Yikes! My Child WON'T Share! What Do I Do?

Years ago my husband and I attended a				return
parenting				things when they borrow them or maybe they
class and one thing that stands out in my mind				return
from				them damaged, dirty or in poor working condition.
that course was something very simplistic that
the				Again, who wants to loan something to someone
trainer said. He asked the question, "If your kid				like
doesn't like broccoli, what should you do?"I				that? I suspect not you and I know, not me! So
thought for a minute while he paused and the first				don't
				make your child do that with his items either!On
thought that came to me was, do my kids even				the other hand, if you have a friend that borrows
like
broccoli? Hmmmmm.Then in a loud voice the				things and returns them in a timely manner, in
trainer enthusiastically				the
said, "You should feed him MORE broccoli, that's				condition in which you leant them, well then you
what!"				are
The reason this lesson stands out in my mind so				more likely to "share" your things with this
clearly				person,
years later is because I have used it over and				right? Explain this concept to your child using
over in				simple
making my parenting decisions. I have gone back				words. Ask your child if he thinks the playmate
and				takes
pondered it again and again. Why? This one				good care of his or her toys. Talk to them and
simple				get
concept has become a principle to me in my				them thinking about it. If the playmate is too
parenting				rough,
skills.If your child doesn't want to do something,				don't make your child share with him.The next
at times,				step is listening. TO YOURSELF!
it is appropriate to make him do it. Those of you				After you have made yourself aware of the
that				playmates
know me personally know that I strive to allow				behavior, the next thing is to use words that
my				children
children to make decisions for themselves and at				understand. When an adult uses the word "share"
times				in
they make wrong and unwise choices. The goal				terms of food, the child sees you rip a cookie in
is to				half
have them learn from those poor choices. I don't				and give some to someone else. Whoa! Next,
				you pick
believe in forcing them to do things such as				up the child's doll and say, I want you to "share"
eating all				your
of their dinner, wearing their hair a certain way				doll with your friend. Yikes! The kid half expects
or				you
perhaps wearing shoes they hate. You do have				to rip the doll's arms off. Adults sometimes don't
to				realize
balance things and encourage your children to				the power of their words on a child. Listen to
grow				yourself!What I would suggest is for you to use
emotionally and behaviorally to become good				the
citizens.				word "share" only when you are dealing with
You do that by exposing them and influencing				food
them to				because that is really what you are asking your
attempt new things that they may not want to				child to
do. In				do, give a little of what they have to someone
other words, there are always things in life that				else.When you are dealing with toys and objects
we				you might
must do, even if we don't want to. We have to				say, "Let's allow your friend have a turn playing
go to				with
work. We have to go to school. We have to				your toy now, okay?". This is more
obey the				understandable to
laws of the land.Now, lets apply this to getting				the child and they will not envision you ripping
your children to share				their toy
with others. If you have a child that will not share				in half.After saying everything just right, you
their				may still find
toys and you indulge that behavior by allowing it,				that you have a child that won't share or take
well,				turns!
subliminally, you are telling the child that you				What then? Well, that is when I go back to the
agree				phrase, "If they don't like broccoli, feed them
with him and he really doesn't have to share his				more
toys.				broccoli!" In other words, MAKE them share. How
Sharing is something that a child must be taught.				can
There is a healthy way to teach your child to				you make them? Simple, you can do this by
share and				saying, "You must take turns with your toys and
you might be surprised to know that I don't think				if you
you				don't, mommy or daddy will take the toy and
should always make your child share with others.				put it
				away from you until you decide to give others a
There is a step-by-step process that you can				turn
follow to				playing with it." I know, you are thinking, wow,
get your child to share.The first step is				that is
awareness.Are you aware of what is going on				tough, right? Yup, anything that your child is so
with your child's				attached to that they won't allow anyone else
playmates? As the adult, make yourself aware				near it,
of what				is too much of an attachment. It is an attitude of
is going on when playmates come around. Listen				total
to				selfishness and you need to discourage it.You
them playing. Your child may not want to share				don't need to torture the child and keep
for				threatening to take the toy. (Click the link in this
fear of losing a favorite toy or for fear that his				newsletter to read about threatening repeating).
favorite				Just
toy will get broken or scribbled on. Pay attention				like the Nike commercial says. Just do it! Do it
and				very
see if your child has a friend that is too wild with				logically and calmly after telling the child ONE time
toys				only.
and often breaks them, or maybe a playmate				If the child has a fit and asks where the toys is,
tends				explain
to "accidentally" take things home with him and				to them that it is safe and that you have put it
not				away
bring them back, or maybe they even have a				until they were willing to allow others a turn. Do
tendency				not
to color on toys? If this is the case, then you				give in, no matter what! When the child agrees
shouldn't make your child share with a playmate				to allow
like				others a turn, give the item back to him.
that! You may even encourage your child to put				Empower
his				your child with control of the timeframe in which
favorite toys up when that particular playmate				he
comes				gets the item back. Each child is different and
over. Or better yet, reevaluate who your child is				one child
playing with!The next step would be to think of				might decide to share immediately and another
yourself.				child will
If you have an irresponsible friend that borrows				decide to take turns only after a week.My final
your				words to you are this, remember, being a
lawn tools and leaves them out in the yard to				parent is challenging work! Stay focused on your
get				parenting plan, turn on the creative portion of
ruined, you probably don't want to loan him				your
anything do				brain and then? OUTSMART THE LITTLE
you? This is usually the same friend that is				BOOGERS! It is
constantly				the only way!Michelle Shelton and her husband
wanting to borrow many of your items, probably				Paul live in Gilbert, Arizona with their five children.
				Michelle is a full time licensed Real Estate Agent
because he ruined his own already, right? Perhaps				for Keller Williams Realty Southeast Valley. She
you				specializes in Arizona Horse Property.
have a friend or family member that doesn't

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Yikes! My Child WON'T Share! What Do I Do?

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