| Years ago my husband and I attended a | | | | return |
| parenting | | | | things when they borrow them or maybe they |
| class and one thing that stands out in my mind | | | | return |
| from | | | | them damaged, dirty or in poor working condition. |
| that course was something very simplistic that | | | | |
| the | | | | Again, who wants to loan something to someone |
| trainer said. He asked the question, "If your kid | | | | like |
| doesn't like broccoli, what should you do?"I | | | | that? I suspect not you and I know, not me! So |
| thought for a minute while he paused and the first | | | | don't |
| | | | make your child do that with his items either!On |
| thought that came to me was, do my kids even | | | | the other hand, if you have a friend that borrows |
| like | | | | |
| broccoli? Hmmmmm.Then in a loud voice the | | | | things and returns them in a timely manner, in |
| trainer enthusiastically | | | | the |
| said, "You should feed him MORE broccoli, that's | | | | condition in which you leant them, well then you |
| what!" | | | | are |
| The reason this lesson stands out in my mind so | | | | more likely to "share" your things with this |
| clearly | | | | person, |
| years later is because I have used it over and | | | | right? Explain this concept to your child using |
| over in | | | | simple |
| making my parenting decisions. I have gone back | | | | words. Ask your child if he thinks the playmate |
| and | | | | takes |
| pondered it again and again. Why? This one | | | | good care of his or her toys. Talk to them and |
| simple | | | | get |
| concept has become a principle to me in my | | | | them thinking about it. If the playmate is too |
| parenting | | | | rough, |
| skills.If your child doesn't want to do something, | | | | don't make your child share with him.The next |
| at times, | | | | step is listening. TO YOURSELF! |
| it is appropriate to make him do it. Those of you | | | | After you have made yourself aware of the |
| that | | | | playmates |
| know me personally know that I strive to allow | | | | behavior, the next thing is to use words that |
| my | | | | children |
| children to make decisions for themselves and at | | | | understand. When an adult uses the word "share" |
| times | | | | in |
| they make wrong and unwise choices. The goal | | | | terms of food, the child sees you rip a cookie in |
| is to | | | | half |
| have them learn from those poor choices. I don't | | | | and give some to someone else. Whoa! Next, |
| | | | you pick |
| believe in forcing them to do things such as | | | | up the child's doll and say, I want you to "share" |
| eating all | | | | your |
| of their dinner, wearing their hair a certain way | | | | doll with your friend. Yikes! The kid half expects |
| or | | | | you |
| perhaps wearing shoes they hate. You do have | | | | to rip the doll's arms off. Adults sometimes don't |
| to | | | | realize |
| balance things and encourage your children to | | | | the power of their words on a child. Listen to |
| grow | | | | yourself!What I would suggest is for you to use |
| emotionally and behaviorally to become good | | | | the |
| citizens. | | | | word "share" only when you are dealing with |
| You do that by exposing them and influencing | | | | food |
| them to | | | | because that is really what you are asking your |
| attempt new things that they may not want to | | | | child to |
| do. In | | | | do, give a little of what they have to someone |
| other words, there are always things in life that | | | | else.When you are dealing with toys and objects |
| we | | | | you might |
| must do, even if we don't want to. We have to | | | | say, "Let's allow your friend have a turn playing |
| go to | | | | with |
| work. We have to go to school. We have to | | | | your toy now, okay?". This is more |
| obey the | | | | understandable to |
| laws of the land.Now, lets apply this to getting | | | | the child and they will not envision you ripping |
| your children to share | | | | their toy |
| with others. If you have a child that will not share | | | | in half.After saying everything just right, you |
| their | | | | may still find |
| toys and you indulge that behavior by allowing it, | | | | that you have a child that won't share or take |
| well, | | | | turns! |
| subliminally, you are telling the child that you | | | | What then? Well, that is when I go back to the |
| agree | | | | phrase, "If they don't like broccoli, feed them |
| with him and he really doesn't have to share his | | | | more |
| toys. | | | | broccoli!" In other words, MAKE them share. How |
| Sharing is something that a child must be taught. | | | | can |
| There is a healthy way to teach your child to | | | | you make them? Simple, you can do this by |
| share and | | | | saying, "You must take turns with your toys and |
| you might be surprised to know that I don't think | | | | if you |
| you | | | | don't, mommy or daddy will take the toy and |
| should always make your child share with others. | | | | put it |
| | | | away from you until you decide to give others a |
| There is a step-by-step process that you can | | | | turn |
| follow to | | | | playing with it." I know, you are thinking, wow, |
| get your child to share.The first step is | | | | that is |
| awareness.Are you aware of what is going on | | | | tough, right? Yup, anything that your child is so |
| with your child's | | | | attached to that they won't allow anyone else |
| playmates? As the adult, make yourself aware | | | | near it, |
| of what | | | | is too much of an attachment. It is an attitude of |
| is going on when playmates come around. Listen | | | | total |
| to | | | | selfishness and you need to discourage it.You |
| them playing. Your child may not want to share | | | | don't need to torture the child and keep |
| for | | | | threatening to take the toy. (Click the link in this |
| fear of losing a favorite toy or for fear that his | | | | newsletter to read about threatening repeating). |
| favorite | | | | Just |
| toy will get broken or scribbled on. Pay attention | | | | like the Nike commercial says. Just do it! Do it |
| and | | | | very |
| see if your child has a friend that is too wild with | | | | logically and calmly after telling the child ONE time |
| toys | | | | only. |
| and often breaks them, or maybe a playmate | | | | If the child has a fit and asks where the toys is, |
| tends | | | | explain |
| to "accidentally" take things home with him and | | | | to them that it is safe and that you have put it |
| not | | | | away |
| bring them back, or maybe they even have a | | | | until they were willing to allow others a turn. Do |
| tendency | | | | not |
| to color on toys? If this is the case, then you | | | | give in, no matter what! When the child agrees |
| shouldn't make your child share with a playmate | | | | to allow |
| like | | | | others a turn, give the item back to him. |
| that! You may even encourage your child to put | | | | Empower |
| his | | | | your child with control of the timeframe in which |
| favorite toys up when that particular playmate | | | | he |
| comes | | | | gets the item back. Each child is different and |
| over. Or better yet, reevaluate who your child is | | | | one child |
| playing with!The next step would be to think of | | | | might decide to share immediately and another |
| yourself. | | | | child will |
| If you have an irresponsible friend that borrows | | | | decide to take turns only after a week.My final |
| your | | | | words to you are this, remember, being a |
| lawn tools and leaves them out in the yard to | | | | parent is challenging work! Stay focused on your |
| get | | | | parenting plan, turn on the creative portion of |
| ruined, you probably don't want to loan him | | | | your |
| anything do | | | | brain and then? OUTSMART THE LITTLE |
| you? This is usually the same friend that is | | | | BOOGERS! It is |
| constantly | | | | the only way!Michelle Shelton and her husband |
| wanting to borrow many of your items, probably | | | | Paul live in Gilbert, Arizona with their five children. |
| | | | Michelle is a full time licensed Real Estate Agent |
| because he ruined his own already, right? Perhaps | | | | for Keller Williams Realty Southeast Valley. She |
| you | | | | specializes in Arizona Horse Property. |
| have a friend or family member that doesn't | | | | |