| You've arrived just in time! You're here, so I | | | | unsure of step number one, refer to the first |
| assume you're wanting to better yourself and | | | | paragraph, shown above. If you're not confident |
| expand your mind -- and not through drugs, but | | | | you can find it, simply start reading this article |
| through reading. I'm so excited for you! I'll do the | | | | from the beginning and you will shortly find the |
| best I can to help you buy your Dummy Book, | | | | answer you're looking for. After you have |
| and I'll be extra careful to use simple words and | | | | completed step one and are at the bookstore, |
| letters from the alphabet.The first thing you have | | | | look for a book with a word in the title that |
| to do is decide on what you'd like to learn about. | | | | matches the word in your mind. For example, if |
| It's an important first step in choosing your | | | | you would like to learn about knitting, do not take |
| Dummy Book. If you go into a store, secure in | | | | the book Italian for Dummies. If you would like to |
| the knowledge that you already know what you'd | | | | learn personal financing, pick out Personal Financing |
| like to learn about, it will give you a feeling of | | | | for Dummies and not The Bible for Dummies. If |
| confidence. You'll be able to pick out a book in | | | | you're having trouble reading the title, I strongly |
| under fifteen minutes, lift it off the shelf with | | | | suggest looking for something with the letters |
| your right or left hand, walk over to the checkout | | | | E-N-G-L-I-S-H in the title.The last thing to |
| stand, reach for your wallet, pull money out of | | | | remember is also important: Make sure the book |
| your wallet, pay for the book, and then walk out, | | | | you're buying is a For Dummies book. Do not |
| insert your key into the lock of your car, then | | | | purchase Moby Dick, a Spider-Man comic book, or |
| into the ignition, then drive out of the parking lot, | | | | a coffee cup. I know this may all seem very |
| take a left turn, right turn, go straight for three | | | | confusing, but if you're still wallowing in self-doubt, |
| miles, then another right turn, stopping when you | | | | don't be afraid to ask a trusted friend or family |
| see red lights, and continuing when you see green. | | | | member for help.-- |
| Keep in mind these directions will not apply to | | | | Andy Alt |
| everyone. If you're unsure of how to get home, | | | | Mental Dimensions |
| ask a friend or a neighbor. There is also a book | | | | |
| available to help you -- Yellow Lights for | | | | A humor column for people who enjoy |
| Dummies.The second key factor in purchasing a | | | | observational humor, political farce, comedy |
| Dummy Book is that it should match the subject | | | | editorials, satire and spoof, along with an |
| you decided upon in step number one. If you're | | | | occasional dose of non humor. |