| You've arrived just in time! You're here, so | | | | not confident you can find it, simply start |
| I assume you're wanting to better yourself | | | | reading this article from the beginning and |
| and expand your mind -- and not through | | | | you will shortly find the answer you're |
| drugs, but through reading. I'm so excited | | | | looking for. After you have completed step |
| for you! I'll do the best I can to help you | | | | one and are at the bookstore, look for a book |
| buy your Dummy Book, and I'll be extra | | | | with a word in the title that matches the |
| careful to use simple words and letters from | | | | word in your mind. For example, if you would |
| the alphabet.The first thing you have to do | | | | like to learn about knitting, do not take the |
| is decide on what you'd like to learn about. | | | | book Italian for Dummies. If you would like |
| It's an important first step in choosing your | | | | to learn personal financing, pick out |
| Dummy Book. If you go into a store, secure in | | | | Personal Financing for Dummies and not The |
| the knowledge that you already know what | | | | Bible for Dummies. If you're having trouble |
| you'd like to learn about, it will give you a | | | | reading the title, I strongly suggest looking |
| feeling of confidence. You'll be able to pick | | | | for something with the letters E-N-G-L-I-S-H |
| out a book in under fifteen minutes, lift it | | | | in the title.The last thing to remember is |
| off the shelf with your right or left hand, | | | | also important: Make sure the book you're |
| walk over to the checkout stand, reach for | | | | buying is a For Dummies book. Do not purchase |
| your wallet, pull money out of your wallet, | | | | Moby Dick, a Spider-Man comic book, or a |
| pay for the book, and then walk out, insert | | | | coffee cup. I know this may all seem very |
| your key into the lock of your car, then into | | | | confusing, but if you're still wallowing in |
| the ignition, then drive out of the parking | | | | self-doubt, don't be afraid to ask a trusted |
| lot, take a left turn, right turn, go | | | | friend or family member for help.-- |
| straight for three miles, then another right | | | | |
| turn, stopping when you see red lights, and | | | | Andy Alt |
| continuing when you see green. Keep in mind | | | | |
| these directions will not apply to everyone. | | | | Mental Dimensions |
| If you're unsure of how to get home, ask a | | | | |
| friend or a neighbor. There is also a book | | | | |
| available to help you -- Yellow Lights for | | | | |
| Dummies.The second key factor in purchasing a | | | | A humor column for people who enjoy |
| Dummy Book is that it should match the | | | | observational humor, political farce, comedy |
| subject you decided upon in step number one. | | | | editorials, satire and spoof, along with an |
| If you're unsure of step number one, refer to | | | | occasional dose of non humor. |
| the first paragraph, shown above. If you're | | | | |