| Buying a home is a stressful and emotional affair. | | | | process. It helps to just acknowledge that you'll |
| You can avoid the home buying blues by keeping | | | | need to work together so that it's a good |
| your cool at closing. | | | | experience for everyone in the end. Remember |
| I've just come from a settlement table at which | | | | the expression, "I need to take a deep breath |
| a friend bought a new condo. It's beautiful, | | | | and get my equilibrium back." Clue in family |
| convenient and just what she wanted. However, | | | | members when you feel the tension rise. |
| at the settlement table she and a relative whom | | | | Get a good night's sleep the night before the |
| she clearly loves got into a tiff with each other. | | | | settlement. Have a good, unrushed breakfast. |
| What should have been a happy occasion was | | | | Have someone you know well look after small |
| almost spoiled. Thank heavens they got | | | | children and pets until after settlement you don't |
| themselves together and the situation was saved, | | | | need distractions during a large financial |
| but arguments and hurt feelings are frequent at | | | | transaction. |
| settlement tables and on moving day. It doesn't | | | | At settlement, ask questions about anything you |
| have to be that way. | | | | don't understand. Use a quiet, neutral voice. Don't |
| The Trauma of Change | | | | sound like you are accusing someone of |
| Changing one's home is right up there with the big | | | | something. Simply ask for information and clarity. |
| changes in life - birth, death, divorce, and | | | | Don't feel rushed. Take the time to understand. |
| retirement. Most of us recognize the trauma of | | | | Many of the arguments I've seen at the |
| the first three. Many of us recognize the need to | | | | settlement table happened because someone |
| prepare mentally and emotionally for retirement. | | | | assumed something and didn't ask about it. They |
| Few of us realize how badly buying and moving | | | | just pitched into an irritated tirade. Not a good |
| into a new home frays our nerves and shortens | | | | idea. |
| our tempers. It can have serious consequences. | | | | What if your questions turn up an unexpected |
| I've seen deals blow up, and almost blow up, | | | | and unacceptable answer? Let it be known that |
| because of it. (Sometimes the protagonists are | | | | you expected it to be handled another way and |
| the buyer and seller.) | | | | why. Listen to any explanation calmly. Evaluate it. |
| Mitigating Moves | | | | Does the other person have a valid point? How |
| There are a number of things you can do to | | | | much difference does it make to you? |
| ensure that the day you buy or sell your home is | | | | Remember, it isn't necessary to have everything |
| calm, sane and happy. Let's consider some of | | | | exactly as you'd like in order to have the |
| them. Some are easy. Some harder. You're apt | | | | transaction go well for you. Keep the big picture in |
| to think of some which will be unique to you and | | | | mind. You don't have to be right about everything, |
| your family. | | | | nor do you have to win every point in order to |
| First of all, simply realizing that these are flash | | | | be pleased with the final outcome. |
| points and discussing it with family members is a | | | | Whether you call it settlement or closing, the final |
| good starting point. There are many decisions to | | | | meeting will be stressful even if absolutely |
| be made and much work to be done. Life is about | | | | everything goes perfectly. Make sure you get |
| to change for everyone who is a party to the | | | | through it by minimizing the stress. |